D-Day
I spent most of today in a real funk. I was cranky when I woke up, less than pleased when I arrived to work, only to find out the elevators in our building were broken, irritable at the endless list things on my to do list that absolutely had to be done today, even more irritable at the other things on my list that really should have been done yesterday but totally need to get done by early next week, upset and self-righteously angered by perceived slights in emails, deeply depressed over the state of my afternoon, weekend, and life, and generally not in such a great mood.
It wasn’t until I was riding the bus home, watching the fifteenth UHaul in 5 minutes go by, that I realized….today was the first of September.
Is there any date (except, perhaps, the day after Christmas) more depressing than September 1st? Especially a cool, cloudy September 1st that holds that glimmer of fall in the air? Is there any better reason to be in a funk all day than the simple fact that today is September 1st?
As a kid, there was something nice about September 1st. Sure, the summer was ending and school, with all its attendant homework and lack of free time, was starting. But there was a first-day-of-school outfit to be picked out, new notebooks waiting to be filled with new pens, old friends to be seen and new friends to be made. New classes and new teachers, still to be viewed through the starry-eyes of the honeymoon period, new people to crush on, a new beginning to be made. September 1st used to be about new beginnings.
No more. To me, now, September 1st only signals the end. The end of warm days spent lying in the sunshine (not that I did nearly enough of that), the end of al fresco lunches and outdoor concerts. The end of summer flirtations and Summer Fridays.
September 1st is an end to indulgence. To laziness, to “next weekend,” to “I won’t decide just yet.” It’s an end to frivolity and a beginning to responsibility. September 1st is a time for decisions.
The to-apply-or-not-to-apply question has been laying heavily on me of late, as it seems to do every September. I change my mind daily. Two weeks ago, I was definitely applying to PhD programs. It was time; I was ready. I wanted to get my PhD in Political Science. I wanted that life. Last week, there was not a chance in hell I was applying this year. The thought of leaving Boston ripped me apart. The thought of spending the next 5 to 7 years of my life in a library made me weep. I did not want to get my PhD in Political Science, or anything else. Two days ago, I started to think about law school. Hey, maybe that would be a good idea, right? I started to get excited over Harvard’s loan program (which seems to help you out financially if you decide to forgo the $125,000+ a year firm job for some low paid public service position, though I’m sure there must be some fine print you can’t understand until you’ve already signed up for law school.) I started to think that was really what I’ve always wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong – I doubt I actually want to go law school. It’s probably just the decision-of-the-week.
But, see, it’s September 1st, and it’s about damn time to make a decision. Summer’s over, kids. Oh, the weather might get warm again. (Hell, with global warming, it might stay warm all winter.) You might fool yourself into thinking we’ve got a few weeks left. But it’s September 1st, and the time for foolishness has ended.
At least for another nine months.
It wasn’t until I was riding the bus home, watching the fifteenth UHaul in 5 minutes go by, that I realized….today was the first of September.
Is there any date (except, perhaps, the day after Christmas) more depressing than September 1st? Especially a cool, cloudy September 1st that holds that glimmer of fall in the air? Is there any better reason to be in a funk all day than the simple fact that today is September 1st?
As a kid, there was something nice about September 1st. Sure, the summer was ending and school, with all its attendant homework and lack of free time, was starting. But there was a first-day-of-school outfit to be picked out, new notebooks waiting to be filled with new pens, old friends to be seen and new friends to be made. New classes and new teachers, still to be viewed through the starry-eyes of the honeymoon period, new people to crush on, a new beginning to be made. September 1st used to be about new beginnings.
No more. To me, now, September 1st only signals the end. The end of warm days spent lying in the sunshine (not that I did nearly enough of that), the end of al fresco lunches and outdoor concerts. The end of summer flirtations and Summer Fridays.
September 1st is an end to indulgence. To laziness, to “next weekend,” to “I won’t decide just yet.” It’s an end to frivolity and a beginning to responsibility. September 1st is a time for decisions.
The to-apply-or-not-to-apply question has been laying heavily on me of late, as it seems to do every September. I change my mind daily. Two weeks ago, I was definitely applying to PhD programs. It was time; I was ready. I wanted to get my PhD in Political Science. I wanted that life. Last week, there was not a chance in hell I was applying this year. The thought of leaving Boston ripped me apart. The thought of spending the next 5 to 7 years of my life in a library made me weep. I did not want to get my PhD in Political Science, or anything else. Two days ago, I started to think about law school. Hey, maybe that would be a good idea, right? I started to get excited over Harvard’s loan program (which seems to help you out financially if you decide to forgo the $125,000+ a year firm job for some low paid public service position, though I’m sure there must be some fine print you can’t understand until you’ve already signed up for law school.) I started to think that was really what I’ve always wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong – I doubt I actually want to go law school. It’s probably just the decision-of-the-week.
But, see, it’s September 1st, and it’s about damn time to make a decision. Summer’s over, kids. Oh, the weather might get warm again. (Hell, with global warming, it might stay warm all winter.) You might fool yourself into thinking we’ve got a few weeks left. But it’s September 1st, and the time for foolishness has ended.
At least for another nine months.
posted by Melissa at 9:03 PM
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