Back to the Well
I've taken a bit of a break from blogging lately. Not really on purpose...it's just a factor of inspiration. I can't write these things unless it's welling up inside me (that old writer's tale about writing for your very survival), and the well has been running fairly dry these days.
Actually, that's not quite true. The well, in fact, is as water-filled as ever -- perhaps more so -- but I feel like I've dropped the bucket. I told a friend the other day that I've been having a hard time lately translating my internal thoughts into external dialogue, and I think that's a pretty apt description. I'm looking for the connecting rope -- and believe me, when I find it, it's all going to come rushing out -- but for now there's no pulling water from this well. (As you'll be able to tell from this post...I've been trying and trying to write a focused, fascinating, topic-driven post for the past week, and all I'm coming up with is the current stream of conscious nonsense.)
My beautiful photographer friend Jessie recently gathered a bunch of us together for a shoot. (I like the sound of that..."I was at a photo shoot." Very artsy-bohemian of me.) We had a lovely time, and that's an understatement. There's no one I know as good as Jessie at making you feel beautiful and photogenic (oh and believe me, I'm not)...like you are a fascinatingly sexy subject for her to train her camera on. She's a talented photographer no doubt, but I secretly (or, at this point, not so secretly ) think that it's her camera-side manner and ability to coax out something unexpectedly gorgeous that is going to truly set her apart from the rest.
She's been subtly (and at times not-so-subtly...love you Jessie!) hinting that the photo shoot would make a great topic for a blog post. I think she's right, but I've been bumping up against that inspiration thing. I write because I have to, because I feel I will just explode if I do not...and as wonderful and memorable as that day was, there was no imminent explosion.
Until she posted a picture from the shoot on her website...from my quasi-topless shoot.
Actually, she posted the picture a week or so ago. She asked me to look at it to make sure I was okay with it being up, and I did check from my very dim computer at work. Looked discrete and tasteful to me. In fact, you could barely see a thing except for my face. Okay by me.
And then tonight, out of curiosity, I decided to check it out from my much-better computer at home.
Yeah, wow, that's my breast.
Which is, you know, cool. It's very artsy. Very tasteful. I feel like a much more exciting person than I probably actually am for having posed semi-topless for my soon-to-be famous photographer friend, and to have that broadcast to the world. And it's not like I didn't spend half my time at college coming up with new and creative ways to wear as little as possible in public (read: Safer Sex Night), anyway.
But I've been toying with the notion of exposure and vulnerability lately. Thinking about what it means to open myself up, flaws and all, and say to the world, "Here I am. Take it or leave it." Thinking about what it means to let people in, and to keep people out. Thinking about what it means to trust others with your vulnerability. Thinking about what it feels like to be exposed. All sorts of esoteric, big-picture ideas, right?
Turns out, there's nothing like a half-naked public picture of yourself to remind you what exposure and vulnerability really feel like.
So anyway, world, here I am. Flaws and all (though Jessie covers them nicely.) Take it or leave it.
Actually, that's not quite true. The well, in fact, is as water-filled as ever -- perhaps more so -- but I feel like I've dropped the bucket. I told a friend the other day that I've been having a hard time lately translating my internal thoughts into external dialogue, and I think that's a pretty apt description. I'm looking for the connecting rope -- and believe me, when I find it, it's all going to come rushing out -- but for now there's no pulling water from this well. (As you'll be able to tell from this post...I've been trying and trying to write a focused, fascinating, topic-driven post for the past week, and all I'm coming up with is the current stream of conscious nonsense.)
My beautiful photographer friend Jessie recently gathered a bunch of us together for a shoot. (I like the sound of that..."I was at a photo shoot." Very artsy-bohemian of me.) We had a lovely time, and that's an understatement. There's no one I know as good as Jessie at making you feel beautiful and photogenic (oh and believe me, I'm not)...like you are a fascinatingly sexy subject for her to train her camera on. She's a talented photographer no doubt, but I secretly (or, at this point, not so secretly ) think that it's her camera-side manner and ability to coax out something unexpectedly gorgeous that is going to truly set her apart from the rest.
She's been subtly (and at times not-so-subtly...love you Jessie!) hinting that the photo shoot would make a great topic for a blog post. I think she's right, but I've been bumping up against that inspiration thing. I write because I have to, because I feel I will just explode if I do not...and as wonderful and memorable as that day was, there was no imminent explosion.
Until she posted a picture from the shoot on her website...from my quasi-topless shoot.
Actually, she posted the picture a week or so ago. She asked me to look at it to make sure I was okay with it being up, and I did check from my very dim computer at work. Looked discrete and tasteful to me. In fact, you could barely see a thing except for my face. Okay by me.
And then tonight, out of curiosity, I decided to check it out from my much-better computer at home.
Yeah, wow, that's my breast.
Which is, you know, cool. It's very artsy. Very tasteful. I feel like a much more exciting person than I probably actually am for having posed semi-topless for my soon-to-be famous photographer friend, and to have that broadcast to the world. And it's not like I didn't spend half my time at college coming up with new and creative ways to wear as little as possible in public (read: Safer Sex Night), anyway.
But I've been toying with the notion of exposure and vulnerability lately. Thinking about what it means to open myself up, flaws and all, and say to the world, "Here I am. Take it or leave it." Thinking about what it means to let people in, and to keep people out. Thinking about what it means to trust others with your vulnerability. Thinking about what it feels like to be exposed. All sorts of esoteric, big-picture ideas, right?
Turns out, there's nothing like a half-naked public picture of yourself to remind you what exposure and vulnerability really feel like.
So anyway, world, here I am. Flaws and all (though Jessie covers them nicely.) Take it or leave it.
posted by Melissa at 9:16 PM
2 Comments:
Yaaaay! The what-it's-like-to-pose-for-photos post!! Wow, I swear I wasn't fishing for compliments, but thank you for the lovely ones you paid me! You don't give yourself enough credit. I'm going to email you a few so you can post them if you want!
Key West is phenominal. My only job is not to get sunburned beyond recognition.
Love you!
It's interesting -- I actually think a lot of your blog posts have "exposed yourself" more than any picture could do. (Well... most pictures. Er....) Do you think you're more sensitized to visual media?
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