Connecting and Disconnecting
The progressive political scene in Boston is a relatively limited one, and the pool of interesting, available political jobs rather small. While Boston is certainly a political city with a generally thriving progressive community, it's not, say, DC, where practically everyone you meet is involved in politics in some ways and the job boards are filled with jobs I would be both qualified for and interested in doing. (because, you know, I look sometimes, whenever I am feeling discouraged about my career here in Boston.)
Thus, it is practically inevitable that the people you meet in your job search will not disappear from your life once they have rejected you (or you, them, though I haven't yet had occasion to do that one.) Even more inevitable that you will meet or perhaps even work with the person who got the job you wanted. Sometimes it feels like a small, small town.
And you need to be gracious, of course...especially if you anticipate looking for work in the future. You never know who knows who (or, rather, you know that everyone knows everyone), and you never know which of these people might be in the position to decide whether or not to hire you in the future.
This seems to be happening a lot to me lately. Friends of mine will end up raving about the people who were hired over me. (On the one hand, it's good to know that at least the person who beat me out is qualified. On the other hand....). Today at a breakfast fundraiser, I not only ran into someone who declined to hire me, but into another person who I am pretty sure got the job I mostly recently tried hard to get. Seriously, out of a room of maybe 20 people, I met two people who were emblematic of my recent failures on the job front. Lovely.
Funny thing is, I've been generally happy in my job lately. The promotion and increased responsibility helps (more money would help too, but I guess we'll take these bridges one at a time), as does spending the vast majority of my time on a client I actually care about. It's still for-profit work, but I feel as though the public relations work I am doing is on behalf of the forces of good, and that public education portion of my job is (or will) make people's lives better. That's a big step up, in my mind. I'm learning a lot, I'm doing interesting work, and I think I'm doing it pretty well. So really, on a day to day basis, I'm not too unsatisfied.
Yet when I go to these political events and fundraisers and the like, I can't help getting incredibly jealous. That's the world I want into, and while I feel like I've been able to crack the surface here and there and make my foray, in small ways, I'm still an outsider looking in. The minute I mention I work in public relations, most people's eyes glaze over. I am no longer interesting to them. Oh, I try to mention my political work or connections to the scene or what have you, but it always feels so fake, so network-y. I am not, yet, one of them, and they know it.
Or maybe they don't. It's also possible I make the whole thing up in my head out of self-consciousness. Maybe I'm projecting my insecurities about my work situation (and there are many) onto the people I meet.
I've recently vowed to stop saying "Oh, I work in public relations" apologetically, as if there is something wrong with it. Problem is, deep down, I think there is. As I was telling my friend G. the other day, I have a conception of what I, at 24, should be doing with my life, and where I should be...and this isn't it. This doesn't fit into my master plan of where I want to be and how I'm going to take over the world. (You know, so to speak.) I might enjoy my job, I might feel as though I am learning good things and doing good things, but the disconnect between where I am and where I think I ought to be is huge.
And, thus, I remain continually disappointed. In myself, in my ability to get the job I want (or, rather, inability), and in my contributions to the larger political movement.
Question being of course, is it a case of inflated expectations or poor performance? Do I simply expect more than is reasonable, or am I just not living up to reasonable expectations?
Thus, it is practically inevitable that the people you meet in your job search will not disappear from your life once they have rejected you (or you, them, though I haven't yet had occasion to do that one.) Even more inevitable that you will meet or perhaps even work with the person who got the job you wanted. Sometimes it feels like a small, small town.
And you need to be gracious, of course...especially if you anticipate looking for work in the future. You never know who knows who (or, rather, you know that everyone knows everyone), and you never know which of these people might be in the position to decide whether or not to hire you in the future.
This seems to be happening a lot to me lately. Friends of mine will end up raving about the people who were hired over me. (On the one hand, it's good to know that at least the person who beat me out is qualified. On the other hand....). Today at a breakfast fundraiser, I not only ran into someone who declined to hire me, but into another person who I am pretty sure got the job I mostly recently tried hard to get. Seriously, out of a room of maybe 20 people, I met two people who were emblematic of my recent failures on the job front. Lovely.
Funny thing is, I've been generally happy in my job lately. The promotion and increased responsibility helps (more money would help too, but I guess we'll take these bridges one at a time), as does spending the vast majority of my time on a client I actually care about. It's still for-profit work, but I feel as though the public relations work I am doing is on behalf of the forces of good, and that public education portion of my job is (or will) make people's lives better. That's a big step up, in my mind. I'm learning a lot, I'm doing interesting work, and I think I'm doing it pretty well. So really, on a day to day basis, I'm not too unsatisfied.
Yet when I go to these political events and fundraisers and the like, I can't help getting incredibly jealous. That's the world I want into, and while I feel like I've been able to crack the surface here and there and make my foray, in small ways, I'm still an outsider looking in. The minute I mention I work in public relations, most people's eyes glaze over. I am no longer interesting to them. Oh, I try to mention my political work or connections to the scene or what have you, but it always feels so fake, so network-y. I am not, yet, one of them, and they know it.
Or maybe they don't. It's also possible I make the whole thing up in my head out of self-consciousness. Maybe I'm projecting my insecurities about my work situation (and there are many) onto the people I meet.
I've recently vowed to stop saying "Oh, I work in public relations" apologetically, as if there is something wrong with it. Problem is, deep down, I think there is. As I was telling my friend G. the other day, I have a conception of what I, at 24, should be doing with my life, and where I should be...and this isn't it. This doesn't fit into my master plan of where I want to be and how I'm going to take over the world. (You know, so to speak.) I might enjoy my job, I might feel as though I am learning good things and doing good things, but the disconnect between where I am and where I think I ought to be is huge.
And, thus, I remain continually disappointed. In myself, in my ability to get the job I want (or, rather, inability), and in my contributions to the larger political movement.
Question being of course, is it a case of inflated expectations or poor performance? Do I simply expect more than is reasonable, or am I just not living up to reasonable expectations?
posted by Melissa at 10:38 AM
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