Insert Ponderous Question Here

I just got done watching a few back episodes of Sex & The City…a guilty pleasure after a long, responsible Monday. Writing a blog posting after watching the show gets me a little self-conscious, however…inevitably, there’s the writing scene in every S&TC: Carrie poised at her laptop, hair perfectly tousled, staring off to the side with a look of introspection…and then she turns back to her keyboard to type the punch phrase of the night, “insert ponderous question that has the air and tone of being deep without actually achieving it here.” Whenever I write a posting, I’m a little afraid that’s going to be me.

But tonight I’m being ponderous and introspective, my heart filled with angst and Big Questions, ready to type out my deep thought of the evening (the wine that goes with S&TC viewing helps). Maybe if I’m self-mocking about it all, it won’t seem so contrived.

I turn back to the keyboard, and I write:
“When is something – or someone – worth fighting for?” (Cue music here).

Let’s see how much back story I can give out without giving away the proverbial cow (why call me when you can get the milk for free?) We’ll try generalities.

I’ve always been the type to give people space, freedom to do whatever it is they need to do. You want time? You’ve got time. Afraid to commit? No commitment needed. Someone on the side? Just don’t tell me about it. If I’m too young to be tied down – and I am – then I’m certainly too young to do any tying. I think people need what they need, and when they’re in their twenties, they may need to be selfish. Or confused. Or indecisive. Or whatever. Perhaps at my expense. But, then, sometimes I’ve probably been, or will probably be, selfish or confused or indecisive or whatever at someone else’s expense. It works out. If there’s anything I fear in a relationship, it’s holding someone else back.

I’m also pretty direct. If I like you…within a reasonably short period of time, I’ll say so. I’ve never seen the point of tip-toeing around things like that. (Thrill of the chase, blah blah blah. I’m just not so into that.) I think it’s always good to tell someone when you feel positively towards them. Even if they may not reciprocate, I’m sure it somehow makes the world a better place. (Doesn’t it make your day, just a little bit, if you find out someone is into you, even if you don’t feel the same? Especially if they make it clear that they have no expectations, that they just wanted you to know?)

So combine the two and you get this: when someone I like tells me they’re not sure, that they need time, that they’re not ready, I back off. Way off. I tell them to take their time, take their space. They know how I feel, and if they decide I’m what they want, they know where to find me. And that’s that. They know where to find me.

But let’s be honest, that hasn’t always worked so well.

Which brings me to tonight’s question: When is something – or someone – worth fighting for? When is it time to court? When is it time to kick in some effort, be John Cusaak and hold the stereo outside her bedroom window? Be Scarlett O’Hara, and track down your Rhett Butler? (I don’t care what he said, you know he gave more than a damn). Be Johnny Cash, and keep asking till she says yes? At least in the movies, there’s something a little endearing about the person that doesn’t take no for an answer. (That sentiment does not apply in the bedroom, FYI.) There’s something a little endearing about someone that cares so much for you, they’re willing to not only make an effort, but to truly put themselves out on the line.

So how do you know when they really need space, and when they’re really just asking you to put yourself on the line?

Oh, I’m so Carrie Bradshaw.