Pick Me! Pick Me!
I have a confession to make. I am a Craigslist addict.
(Oh, don't scoff. You know you browse it, too. What's your scene? Missed Connections? Free furniture? Erotic services?)
Worst of all, I am absolutely addicted to reading the "Men Seeking Women" ads. (Yeah, okay, and when I'm really bored the Women Seeking Men and the Women Seeking Women and sometimes, for kicks, Misc Romance. Never the Men Seeking Men ads, though….far too many unwanted, er, crotch shots to sort through. Well, wanted by someone, I'm sure….but not by me.)
I'm not even looking for a date, per se. Ok, sure, occasionally I will see some witty, well-crafted posting – likely including a reference to Hemingway or Kundera or some other of my favorite authors, full of slightly self-mocking humor, and, of course, with perfect grammar -- and think, for about two hours, that I've found my soul mate. (I don’t even believe in soul mates, but that’s another discussion). A few times, allowing hope to triumph over experience yet again, I've sent out a reply and gone on a date. (Abject failures, all. So it goes.) But that's beside the point…because while I have gone out on Craigslist dates (I'm not too proud; I'll admit it!), I don’t read the boards in hopes of finding one.
No, see, I am just fascinated by these postings. It's like watching a car wreck – they're tragic, they're bloody, they tear your heartstrings. You know you shouldn't look but you just can't take your eyes away.
I'm fascinated by the way people choose to present themselves. By the atrocious spelling and terrible, awful, grainy, is-that-really-your-best-picture digital camera photos. By the cocky posts and by the desperate ones…the "I'm the hottest man around, no seriously, I never have any problems picking up girls I'm just bored and you'd better be hot because I am did I mention that?" posts and the "are there any smart, cute girls on here? Any? Will I die alone?" posts.
I'm fascinated by the way that everyone's worst qualities eventually manifest in their posts. "I'm a really nice guy and I like everyone. Please be smart and funny and oh please just don't be fat. I'm not trying to be mean I just don't like fat chicks." (Because I'm sure all the smart, funny, not-fat chicks are so attracted to you now.)
I’m fascinated by the number of people that think an entirely generic, three-line ad – something along the lines of “I’m a SWM, 26, funny, nice, normal, attractive guy. I like going to bars and watching red sox games. Looking for a cute, slim/athletic girl that likes to have fun” – is going to get them a response. (And I’m being generous with my description…many of them say even less than that.)
I'm fascinated by the very repetitiveness of the boards. You read these often enough – and, oh, I do – and you begin to see patterns. Serial posters and copy-cat posters, yes, but you can even see patterns emerge among the 'first time posting' crowd. Everyone, it turns out, is sick of the bar scene. Everyone likes to go out sometimes but also likes to stay in. Everyone 'can't believe they're online looking for a date.' (Oh, please, get over it. Seriously, that might have worked back in 1995, but these days? C'mon.) Everyone, it seems, wants a 'partner in crime.' (Who knows how high the crime rate would go if all these people found each other?)
And every now and then, of course, you get an interesting ad. Those are fascinating, too. Something catchy and clever. Something funny. Something a little original. There’s a guy right now doing a running countdown of postings…he’s putting up one per day for the next year, or until he finds his true love. I can’t decide whether I feel bad for him or whether I want to ask him out. (He’s 54, so I’m probably not actually going to email him. But conceptually, I find his unassuming, what-the-hell approach intriguing.)
Whenever I read these boards a little too often, however, I start to do some math. I look around me – in the elevator, on the street, at bars – and I think, surely I have read postings written by people in this room. This guy I’m chatting with – he is the one who posted that really sketchy “Generou$ Guy Looking to hang out with a $weet $exy College $tudent” ad this morning. This girl over there – she wrote one of those really asinine posts about just LOVING THE RED SOX!!!!!! and LOOKING FOR A GOOD MAN WHO WON’T PLAY GAMES!!!!! I am surrounded, absolutely surrounded, by the people who have written the postings I mock all day long.
The anonymity of the internet is a strange, strange thing.
(Oh, don't scoff. You know you browse it, too. What's your scene? Missed Connections? Free furniture? Erotic services?)
Worst of all, I am absolutely addicted to reading the "Men Seeking Women" ads. (Yeah, okay, and when I'm really bored the Women Seeking Men and the Women Seeking Women and sometimes, for kicks, Misc Romance. Never the Men Seeking Men ads, though….far too many unwanted, er, crotch shots to sort through. Well, wanted by someone, I'm sure….but not by me.)
I'm not even looking for a date, per se. Ok, sure, occasionally I will see some witty, well-crafted posting – likely including a reference to Hemingway or Kundera or some other of my favorite authors, full of slightly self-mocking humor, and, of course, with perfect grammar -- and think, for about two hours, that I've found my soul mate. (I don’t even believe in soul mates, but that’s another discussion). A few times, allowing hope to triumph over experience yet again, I've sent out a reply and gone on a date. (Abject failures, all. So it goes.) But that's beside the point…because while I have gone out on Craigslist dates (I'm not too proud; I'll admit it!), I don’t read the boards in hopes of finding one.
No, see, I am just fascinated by these postings. It's like watching a car wreck – they're tragic, they're bloody, they tear your heartstrings. You know you shouldn't look but you just can't take your eyes away.
I'm fascinated by the way people choose to present themselves. By the atrocious spelling and terrible, awful, grainy, is-that-really-your-best-picture digital camera photos. By the cocky posts and by the desperate ones…the "I'm the hottest man around, no seriously, I never have any problems picking up girls I'm just bored and you'd better be hot because I am did I mention that?" posts and the "are there any smart, cute girls on here? Any? Will I die alone?" posts.
I'm fascinated by the way that everyone's worst qualities eventually manifest in their posts. "I'm a really nice guy and I like everyone. Please be smart and funny and oh please just don't be fat. I'm not trying to be mean I just don't like fat chicks." (Because I'm sure all the smart, funny, not-fat chicks are so attracted to you now.)
I’m fascinated by the number of people that think an entirely generic, three-line ad – something along the lines of “I’m a SWM, 26, funny, nice, normal, attractive guy. I like going to bars and watching red sox games. Looking for a cute, slim/athletic girl that likes to have fun” – is going to get them a response. (And I’m being generous with my description…many of them say even less than that.)
I'm fascinated by the very repetitiveness of the boards. You read these often enough – and, oh, I do – and you begin to see patterns. Serial posters and copy-cat posters, yes, but you can even see patterns emerge among the 'first time posting' crowd. Everyone, it turns out, is sick of the bar scene. Everyone likes to go out sometimes but also likes to stay in. Everyone 'can't believe they're online looking for a date.' (Oh, please, get over it. Seriously, that might have worked back in 1995, but these days? C'mon.) Everyone, it seems, wants a 'partner in crime.' (Who knows how high the crime rate would go if all these people found each other?)
And every now and then, of course, you get an interesting ad. Those are fascinating, too. Something catchy and clever. Something funny. Something a little original. There’s a guy right now doing a running countdown of postings…he’s putting up one per day for the next year, or until he finds his true love. I can’t decide whether I feel bad for him or whether I want to ask him out. (He’s 54, so I’m probably not actually going to email him. But conceptually, I find his unassuming, what-the-hell approach intriguing.)
Whenever I read these boards a little too often, however, I start to do some math. I look around me – in the elevator, on the street, at bars – and I think, surely I have read postings written by people in this room. This guy I’m chatting with – he is the one who posted that really sketchy “Generou$ Guy Looking to hang out with a $weet $exy College $tudent” ad this morning. This girl over there – she wrote one of those really asinine posts about just LOVING THE RED SOX!!!!!! and LOOKING FOR A GOOD MAN WHO WON’T PLAY GAMES!!!!! I am surrounded, absolutely surrounded, by the people who have written the postings I mock all day long.
The anonymity of the internet is a strange, strange thing.
posted by Melissa at 2:26 PM
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